I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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