just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
