You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
