he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
