i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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