cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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