i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
FUCK WHALES
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