The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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