if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Watching her eat just hurts me
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
