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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
