Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
