At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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