It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
