you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
