Only a mothe r could love this liver
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
