We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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