she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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