I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
