I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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