Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
