so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
