Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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