so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
and she was petting her beer can
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
