just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
