Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
