Can i not drive my cunt home
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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