a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
