we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
