The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
