I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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