is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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