You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
