If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I checked into jail on foursquare
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
