Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Randomize
