I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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