oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
