That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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