I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
