$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
