My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i love accidental penises.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
