If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
