the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
