Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
