I look better un-naked...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
