in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
