i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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