I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
