I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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