Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
