Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
