my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
