I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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